life

2009-08-02T21:29:00.003+08:00

i wish i knew what to do with myself.
because everyday, i'm hoping i will find the answers. and slowly, i'm getting tired of finding, of waiting.
i know life is never going to be perfect,
and no one said it was going to be easy.
but i never knew it was going to be this difficult.

2008-01-29T00:51:00.000+09:00

i'll be the one who will make a difference.
i'll be your friend when you feel alone,
i'll take you in when you've got nowhere to go.
i'll be your listening ear when you're feeling low.

and i'm the reason why you should continue to live.

2008-01-15T22:06:00.000+09:00

i had my doubts at first, but then i began to believe that you were someone i could trust, someone i could depend on. but i guess i was wrong. i thought you were better than you really are. sorry, my mistake.

2008-01-13T13:36:00.001+09:00

it hurts that when you're feeling this excruciating pain, all i can do is watch helplessly. it hurts so much that its tearing me apart, and leaving me in tears.
it hurts even more because i love you.

and why? why are we fighting with one another because of an outsider? why can't we just stop pulling each other's hair out and start trusting each other like we should? this shouldn't be about taking sides with whoever. it should be about the friendship we had.
please, lets just stop this fighting.
please, lets make peace.

why is life made so difficult?

2008-01-13T03:24:00.001+09:00

you tell me it feels different, and that it seems like i haven't been myself when i'm in school. seriously, i don't know where this is going. sure, you told me not to think about it, but you know i will.

its fading away. and maybe you're right.
he may just be a substitute.

2008-01-12T13:21:00.000+09:00

Retreats and motivational talks for the whole week. found out a lot about myself.
but i haven't got my wake up call yet. worrying.

school life is kind of messy now.
but i hope it isn't going to break us apart.

2008-01-01T16:16:00.000+09:00

You know it tears me up inside
To see the feelings that you hide
Hide inside that empty bottle.

I wish, you saw how great you were
I wish, you saw what life was worth
You wouldn't have to hide your problems.

Run away, run away
But that won't make it any better
Run away, run away
And make tomorrow harder to live than today
--------------------------------------------------
There's a bright light shining inside you
It shines out through your eyes.
Don't drown it away, don't be afraid, don't hide
Let it shine, oh, oh, let it shine.

You say you're looking for happiness,
But when it comes, you run away from it
You tell yourself you don't deserve it

2008-01-01T04:24:00.000+09:00

fireworks/ new year countdown at marina bay.
the number of people was just 46186745489
crazy, but i still had a GREAT time ;D
( thanks, you guys made our day )
------------------------------------------------
" why does god hate me so much? "

2007-12-31T03:38:00.000+09:00

work, then to east coast park for 2 consecutive days already. reached home at 2am, with the family throwing a fit. but i'm sure we had all the fun in the world.

"bye benedict, bye matthew, bye brent"

2007-12-31T03:36:00.001+09:00

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.
But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, To save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special.

2007-12-27T00:35:00.000+09:00

i knew you hated bubbles, but i didn't know how much you hate them until you burst mine.

2007-12-25T00:15:00.000+09:00

i hate this, i hate being the trash can you kick around when you're angry. stop taking it out on me.

2007-12-14T19:58:00.001+09:00

I stare up at the stars,
I wonder just where you are,
you feel a million miles away.
(I wonder just where you are).
Was it something I said, or something I never did.
Or was I always in the way.
(Was it something I did)
Can someone tell me what to say, to just make you stay.

I need a little more luck, than a little bit,
cause everytime I get stuck, the words won't fit.
And everytime that I try I get tongue tied, I need a little good luck to get me by.
I need a little more help, than a little bit.
Like the perfect one word no ones heard yet.
Cause everytime that I try I get tongue tied, I need a little good luck to me by this time.

2007-12-05T05:03:00.001+09:00

i've been to the hospital 3 times consecutively already. and tomorrow's going to be the 4th time. thankfully he's feeling better.
---------------------------------------------------
i just pray he recovers as soon as possible.
---------------------------------------------------
its just heart-breaking he have to suffer.
my mum has been going to the hospital daily, spending her whole day there with my dad.
and the house has become really quiet.
because of that, i've been going out a lot.
i don't want to live in silence, because i know thoughts would cloud my mind.

sometimes i wish i was as strong as i look

2007-12-03T02:16:00.000+09:00

my dad is in a horrible state, he drastically lost 11kg. and tomorrow, he's going to the hospital to be warded. what am i suppose to do when my mum comes into my room crying, telling me my dad said he's going to die?

his birthday is soon, and i want to give him the best present ever.
i wonder when life would get better

2007-12-01T02:17:00.000+09:00

i hate it when something wakes me up from a wonderful dream, and when i go back to sleep, i'll never have the same dream again.

2007-11-30T03:57:00.001+09:00

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It’s because of you

2007-11-28T01:33:00.000+09:00

YESTERDAY felt like a dream,
it felt like it wasn't real.
because today, everything
wrong is happening again.

i'm so tired of waiting.

2007-11-26T14:49:00.000+09:00

sometimes i wonder why i try so hard to keep the memory of you fresh, and get so upset when i can't seem to remember you.

2007-11-25T21:13:00.001+09:00

there's some things i appreciate but still lose.
and thats the way life is.
and sometimes, the past can never be the present, whats more the future.
life doesnt go the way you want it to.
and please, stop thinking i'm not old enough to think, because i am. stop assuming i don't appreciate things, because i do.

whats happening to me?
i'm changing, thats what.

2007-11-24T06:15:00.001+09:00

yeah, its happening,
and nothing can change it.
-----------------------------------------
admit that i'm wrong
and then change my mind
sorry but i've gotta be strong
and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry about everything i've done
Live every second like it was my last one

Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything i do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

2007-11-19T21:02:00.000+09:00

i wish i didn't lose you.

2007-11-17T19:27:00.000+09:00

SWITZERLAND, it was great.
there was a lot of snowing going on.
[ i had tons of fun throwing snowballs at my brother, and trying to build a snow man(which ended up looking like some little monster), and watching those loves ski and snowboard. ]
it was just amazing, just like how you are.
i'll never forget that moment.

movies during the 12hr (x2) flight:
- I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry ;D
- The Longest Yard ;D
- No Reservations ;D
- Underdog ;D
- Transformers
- Hairspray ;D
- Evan Almighty
- Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix

2007-11-08T15:03:00.000+09:00

i don't know, i really don't.
maybe i should just put all of it behind.
i'm not sure if i'm just being sensitive.
or everything is just slowly fading away.
still, i'm sorry.

flying off to switzerland today.
and everything will probably change when i'm back from my trip. we may even become strangers again.

2007-11-04T02:52:00.000+09:00

TODAY WAS FUN, FUN, FUN!
i love girl friends.
i love you, kim.
i love you, melsa.
thanks for being my true friends even though i'm so super annoying! ;D

2007-11-02T17:18:00.000+09:00

I shouldn't have trusted you.

2007-10-30T22:09:00.000+09:00

now that we've worked out everything,
you just disappeared mysteriously.
i just wish i'll understand this better.

2007-10-25T15:28:00.000+08:00

biology practical assessment today,
and practically, i was a total joke.

2007-10-24T17:36:00.000+08:00

seriously, i find it difficult to understand how you're feeling. one moment, you're happy. and the next, upset. I don't know what to do to make everything better. I just don't know how i can help.

I can't decide between love or hate.
------------------------------------------------
She calls me baby
then she wont call me
says she adores me
and then ignores me
(Jenny, What's the problem?)

She keeps her distance
and sits on fences
puts up resistance
and builds defenses
(Jenny, Whats the problem?)

You keep me hanging on the line
everytime you change your mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

She needs her own space
she's playing mind games
ends up at my place
saying that she's changed
(Jenny, what's the problem?)

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

2007-10-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO! yesterday's job interviews were 154368241510x better than the other day's.
now, we're torn between 2 jobs. and we can't decide which is better! job trainings on this coming friday and next monday!

2007-10-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

last saturday was a waste of my time.
i woke up so extraXZXZXZ early for the job interview to go there only to find out all i have to do was fill in a resume.

well, i don't know which is worse.
that or having to see you with them.
i just hope tomorrow's job interviews will be better.

keeping my fingers crossed.

2007-10-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

WHY? its because i was always like that. only now, you're no longer there to cheer me up.

2007-10-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

kim think its fate; i think God is just making a fool out of me.
----------------------------------------------------
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken

2007-10-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

when you were a child,
you're cute when you blow bubbles.
when you get older,
you're just getting more irritating.

2007-10-10T12:59:00.000+08:00

the first time i saw it suffering, i chose to walk away. i chose to pray for God's help, instead of helping when i can.. and WHY?
its because i was afraid that people would have a different perception.
its because i was afraid of getting scolded, and afraid of how people will look at me after that.

but God took immediate action.
he made me walk back to that spot and help.
i was tempted to walk away again,
but he didn't budge, not even a bit.

and now, " wasn't that easy? "

2007-10-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

[ delayed post ] why? because sara and i went out to get kim's present. and it meant to be a SURPRISE ;D

went to vivo city, and far east plaza.
got rather carried away at first,
and started shopping more for ourselves.
anyway, we were buying bangles... and the funny part was, a bangle got stuck on sara's arm. it couldn't come out. we had to apply lotion like crazy, until some sales person magically managed to pull it out.

Sara: a tee, shorts, and a necklace
Kim: a tee, 2 bangles, and a necklace
ME,ME,ME: a tee, a dress and a necklace

-22nd september

2007-10-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

Apologize
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late (x2)

It's too late to apologize,
yeah I said it's too late to apologize,
yeah- I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

2007-09-27T13:39:00.000+08:00

today was a super rainy rainy day.
weather was super cold too.
thankfully, i brought my cardigan ;D

on the way to school,
some fucking taxi knocked the car's bumper.
license plate : SHB4361B - blue comfort taxi
he should thank god it was raining like hell,
otherwise i would have confronted him.

English EOY today, i hope i didn't screw up.

2007-09-23T23:00:00.001+08:00

when both of you act the way you did today,
its me who truly feel the pain.
------------------------------------------------
baby, its crazy i think i still do.
but now, its all too late.

Rock-a-BYE BABY, in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
And down will come BABY, cradle and all

2007-09-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

today's burning hot.
during chemistry lesson, i got burnt twice.
first time because i carelessly held the burning hot test tube in my palm. didn't expect it to be hot since it was only above the flame for just a mere few seconds.
and the second time was an accident. and now i have some ugly mark that looks like a birth mark ):

the heat was killing me.

2007-09-19T20:42:00.000+08:00

the EOYs are coming soon.
my mind is screwed up.
no, actually, i'm screwed up.

it changes, changes because
they're the ones who never get tired,
they're the ones who always seem happy.
they're the ones who don't expect anything in return. and because of all that, i love them.

2007-09-12T00:11:00.001+08:00

its comforting to know that someone feels the same way about life like i do.

2007-09-09T15:45:00.000+08:00

sweetheart, how would i know its safe
to entrust you with my life, and expect
you to protect it like it was yours?
especially when what i really want is
for us to leave this behind, together.

2007-09-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

PESTA SUKAN:
match with serangoon garden sec,
and we lost 3-0 ):
they weren't playing very well,
just that we sucked today.

today was a bad day on its own.
stomach felt weird, shoes gave me problems again, and my eyes were super swollen.
but it got better after lunch.
enjoyed watching the semis, and teasing SYAZA about JIN QUAN. played big fish, and small fish. in the end, syaza and i were the victims again. though the forfeits were someone else's, we were the ones who suffered. AW MAN ): all of us left D' Marquee only after the girls' finals. with BUKIT MERAH SEC as CHAMPIONS ;D

friendly at Tampines ITE from 5-7+.
got trashed, and not surprised or upset.
with people like jill, sonia and pris in the other team, we knew from the beginning we were going to lose. so the final score is probably like 45163446- 2 [ scored by Stella! YAY! ]

i'm so tired, i just feel like dying.

2007-09-06T01:30:00.000+08:00

this awfully loud ringing in my head.
and suddenly, my dream is made clear to me.
you were doing it in my dream,
and now, i finds out you do it even in real life.
i remembered walking away from the offer.
and maybe its exactly like what it is now.

2007-09-05T16:14:00.000+08:00

downtown east
many meaningful things happened here,
and honestly, i fail to forget them.
Almost everyday, i'm reminded of you-

2007-09-05T15:52:00.000+08:00

PESTA SUKAN:
first match sucked. everything was crap.
my hair, my feet and even my shoes gave me problems!! eventually lost to pasir ris 6-2

2nd match wasn't that bad.
won meridian jc 7-1
and i hate the floors. they're too smooth, too slippery. and playing in an air conditioned enclosed area made breathing difficult.

2007-09-05T01:18:00.000+08:00

went to vivo city with kim today.
funny thing is, i didn't feel like shopping.
but i bought a wallet ;D
and my brother gladly paid for it.
watched hairspray! and i thought it was rather meaningful. brought me back to: To Kill A MockingBird in literature lessons.

oh and i've learnt to have fun, the fun way.
sure, people can look at me like i'm crazy.
but as long as i do something thats safe enough, all they can do is stare.
i totally enjoyed trudging through the water.
but sadly, we didn't get to play at the playground.

2007-09-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

when i'm awake, i keep myself occupied so that i won't be able to think of certain things.
but these things still haunt me when i'm asleep.

those dreams:
you were doing something i forbade, just that now, there's no one to stop you because i left.
you've become someone unfamiliar.
and surely, we belong in two different worlds.
we no longer speak the same language.
and my cry for help is deafened by the humour of my mistake.

2007-08-31T14:32:00.000+08:00

teacher's day celebration today.
performance by our teachers.
it was the bomb. absolutely hilarious.

2007-08-29T14:17:00.000+08:00

most people don't realise how valuable something or someone is until they lose it.
and i have to admit, i'm one of them.

if only i can turn back time.

2007-08-26T14:09:00.001+08:00

the warmth i felt was of our embrace.
and that familiar scent reminded me of you.

its like a dream; you're like a dream.
you lay beside me, and watch me fall asleep.
and when i wake up, you're no longer there.
you left, without a word.
you left, before i could bade goodbye.
and now, sometimes i wonder if you're still thinking of me, as i am of you...

2007-08-26T08:19:00.000+08:00

went out with sara and kim yesterday.
got my grip first ;D

then watched 881. it was okay.
quite entertaining, all those singing.
and i swear the people in the cinema wanted to kill us. we couldn't stop laughing.
and it wasn't because of the movie.
it was because two old ah mas behind us talk too loud, and started singing.
sitting somewhat side ways, we could see the guy beside her laugh.
so there was some sort of chain reaction.

then somebody's phone rang, and i mean for a very long time. so i carelessly exclaimed
" WAH! THATS THE BEST!".
it so happen my phone vibrated. and because it was against the seat, it made a loud noise.

2007-08-23T20:52:00.001+08:00

maybe i should stop making asssumptions.
maybe it really wasn't that bad as i thought it to be? i guess sometimes, everything isn't what it seems to be.
i'm sorry for thinking too much.

2007-08-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

i thought we had a chance.
i thought i'll get a chance.
but now that she's mentioned, i know everything has gone down the drain.
but it doesn't matter, because i don't feel hurt.
just a little disappointed, but not hurt.
its shocking how those things ever existed.
i must have been crazy.
i'm sorry i made this mistake.

its weird how we no longer understand each other's language.

2007-08-22T18:41:00.000+08:00

CAs are over but there are still class tests.
oh well, but it seems like i've been really high these few days, and i don't know why.
i can't stop singing during lessons,
and i can't stop irritating andrea.
well its not my fault. at least, not entirely...
after all, andrea's such a temptation.
because andrea's someone who will be tortured and won't do anything much to make me change what i do everyday!

2007-08-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

Jill's signing the team up for Pesta Sukan.
I can't wait for it, because if i'm playing for Pesta Sukan now, it means i'm having my September holidays now.
and its just what i need- a break.

trashed up many CAs this term.
irritated, and super stressed.
i just can't wait for holidays.

2007-08-11T01:35:00.000+08:00

yeah, today's my brother's birthday.
i should be happily celebrating it, but i'm not.
you're in a dire state, and there's nothing i can do to make it better.
i just wish i could do something other than cry for you, and with you. i wish one day your sadness would just be willed away. and i wish i can take the life you're living now away and give you a new and fufilling one with something to look forward to each day.
i just really really wish you'll be okay.

i love you, i really do.
God, please bless her.

2007-08-10T04:32:00.001+08:00

fuck, i hate it.
i hate how it made us like this,
how it controls us to do certain things.
it wastes my time, but i can't stop.
because if i do, then everything will start all over again. fuck it. i wish it'll just stop draining me of what i already have.

happy belated national day!

2007-08-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

i'm not exactly very upset the girl you used to know is gone. so what if all i do is spend money and have fun? thats what you see.
and somehow, i know you don't like the way i am. you think i shouldn't be like this.
and that all these things i do are only because i feel empty. maybe you're right, maybe i really am. but trufully, i don't care about what people think of me as much as i did before. and that may just be the way i want to live my life.

i cannot stop myself from changing,
or maybe because i'm not even trying,
and don't intend to try.

2007-08-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

chinese ca today. literally 4d/toto for me.
my concept of trying to finish the paper was : which-number-looks-best

floorball; blisters all over my feet thanks to my school shoes. it hurts like hell ):
anyway, i love those babies from the juniors!

2007-08-01T19:11:00.000+08:00

today's not my day.
i had a 'great' entrance by carelessly dropping a whole tray of experiment apparatus.
everything came crashing down. and the biology experiment melsa and i did failed.
the cutting up of chicken liver/heart/look-alike-gall bladder grossed me out.

contradiction, but the day wasn't THAT bad, really. free pizza! thanks to mrs ang (:
she's the love.

2007-07-29T02:04:00.000+08:00

CHANGE OF PLANS!
instead of going to peninsula to get black skinnys, kim and i went to east coast park to roller blade! today was super eventful,
and somehow thats actually a very bad thing.
its amazing how people can bear to do certain things. like embarrassing themselves.

someone even stalked us. naive enough to think that hiding behind a tree would hinder our view of him. even more naive to think that we don't know what he's actually doing.
got us a bit freaked out, but lost him after the trip to the girl's toilet.

and boy, "AYE!" isn't the way to go about your first impression. I LOVE ZEEGO! (:

2007-07-25T19:14:00.000+08:00

floorball finals, and east view won.
they really do deserve it.
anyway, Kc (3) - (1) Bedok Town.
so with that, the juniors emerged as 3rd!
WHOPEEEE! :D

today is like officially gossip day.
'gossiped' on the way back to sch in the bus with the juniors, also 'gossiped' during the finals with sandra, kim, syaza and timothy.
actually, it seemed more like spreading rumours about each other among ourselves.
and we even did it in each other's faces.
that was what made it funnier!

2007-07-24T19:22:00.000+08:00

i hate the fact that you just walked away.
it felt worse when i know you knew i was there.
i know what i did was wrong.
i knew then that everything would change when i said what i thought was right.
i just couldn't carry on lying to you. I can't possibly allow both of us to stay delusional.
it just wasn't right. i'm sorry.

2007-07-24T19:14:00.000+08:00

yeah, it sucks. losing sucks.
but i guess thats what they mean by having to fail first before reaching success.
Kc (4) lost to (5) Northland yesterday.
and many of the juniors cried. not surprised, really. everyone wanted it so badly.
even we were desperate for the last goal.
but we know all of you tried.

so don't be demoralized, do us proud,
and win the next game.
clinche third for kc in this tournament!

2007-07-22T12:54:00.000+08:00

shopping at marina square and town yesterday.
kim and i, being obsessive shoppers got wangwang and dan rather irritated. but its not our fault we're never satisfied with our wardrobes. we just don't have enough clothes!
so, topshop was a bit of a disappointment ):
the top i wanted totally disappeared.
but mango was love!
got a cardigan and some baby doll shirt.

and i'm going to get black skinnys next!

2007-07-18T20:14:00.000+08:00

physics project at jolene's house today.
jody was damn cute, and so was joanne.
i even got to see sea monkeys dancing.
actually, all i saw was weird looking particles.
but okay... cool. and YES! finally!
my mum agreed to supply me money for shopping! though limited, its enough.
i'm now sunshine girl (:

2007-07-15T20:56:00.000+08:00

celebrated grandfather's birthday yesterday.
grumpy, so kept to myself most of the time.
kept entertained by the PSP, until it decided to abandon me by dying of battery.
way to go! so i TRIED to read my book, but failed. much too chaotic, too noisy.
talked to kim on the phone. then soccer with my cousin at the same time.
the sun was starting to shine for me again (:
and the fresh air at the 'park' helped too.

2007-07-14T17:33:00.000+08:00

today's a bad day for me ):
woke up with a bad runny nose.
and my calculator went missing.
quite positive its not at home,
so i just hope i'll find it in school.

grumpy mood,
so i'm snapping at people.
so please BEWARE!
i should be killed.

2007-07-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

went to parkway with melsa to do some geography homework today.
cold storage kicked us out, NOT.
we seem to be playing more than doing homework. but of course we finished the work first. dinner at pastamania!
walked melsa 3/4 way home after that.
[ half way home for me! ]

thanks for helping me lost the calories i ate.
thanks for waiting for the bus with me.
thanks for making my day.
thanks for just being my friend.
melsa, you're lovexzxzxzxzxzxz.

2007-07-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

P.E is such a dread. especially when you have Mr. L* for your teacher. tomentor actually.
i hate it even more when he have the misconception that just because we're in 3/6,
we're suppose to behave better.
give us a break okay. we wern't even put in that class because of how well-behaved we are. and he very well knows how bias he is to the 4 of us.

i hate him, and i hate P.E.
but i only hate P.E because i hate him.
in fact, i hate him so much i'm wishing his veins would explode, so he'll be admitted to hospital.

2007-07-09T21:44:00.001+08:00

deciding match for the entry of the semi finals:
Kc against Bmss, and yeah, WE'RE IN!
match filled with extreme tension,
shrilling screams and deafening shouts.
honestly, i thought the juniors could have done better than that. but its okay! hope they'll do better for the upcoming matches.
Kc ( 3 ) - ( 1 ) Bukit Merah Sec

total embarrassment after the match.
played 'big fish, small fish' due to boredom,
and sadly, i do not have good hand coordination. so i had to do forfeits, two in a row. the first was to sing a 'ruhua' song to some strangers. and the other was to 'confess my feelings' to some bung lookalike.
if she took it for real, i swear i'll never be able to step in that school ever again.

2007-07-08T00:27:00.000+08:00

well, i guess he's right. and so are the other people who felt that i've changed.
i've stopped trying to persuade people to stop wasting their lives. basically, i just don't care as much as i used to anymore.
i was said to be such a nag,
but now they think i don't care enough.
thats just the way human beings are,
they take things for granted.

and thats exactly what i did as well.
i took you for granted.
it breaks my heart when your name's mentioned. after all, it was me who ruined the special relationship we shared.
it was me who ruined us.
i don't know if whats going through my mind now is safe to believe. because i don't think i know what it really means.
but what its telling me is that i do miss you.
and might possibly want you back.

2007-07-04T20:14:00.000+08:00

car accident. reason: too tired.
dad knows he's at fault, and feels guilty about it. bro and mum aren't making him feel any better either. i say its minor, since there were no other people's cars to compensate for. and no one hurt. but it seems major because my dad hardly or almost never, get such accidents.
fuss around the house, because the only convenient way of transport is gone.
and servicing of the car means money.

dad, i still love you (:
whether its your fault or not.
and it doesn't matter as long as you're safe. and still here by our side.

2007-07-03T17:44:00.000+08:00

oh my god. juniors' match against Canberra sec today. it was hell. well, we were, actually.
we shouted like as if we never heard our own voices before. and today, everything was just plain unglam. [ we = seniors ]
oh and of course, they played well, except for the fact that they missed quite a few opportunies to score.
up against bmss next monday.
will rush there to watch them play!
Kc ( 14 ) - ( 0 ) Cranberra Sec

2007-07-03T01:00:00.000+08:00

okay, i get your point. you don't think i'm trying. if thats how you feel, fine.
i hate to admit this, but i'm trying to bear with you. you're so sensitive at every little thing.
its not like i'm your puppet, so dont expect me to just do things your way.

2007-07-02T04:09:00.001+08:00

i don't know what the hell are you thinking from time to time. there's so many things on your mind that doesnt seem familiar anymore.
its just so difficult to understand you nowadays. i've attempted, and if you feel that i've given to much to my friends, i'm sorry.
i can't take it back, and i won't.

they're the world to me.
whether you like it or not.

2007-07-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

oh yeah, i forgot to blog about sara's so-called-birthday-surprise. so here it is.
sacrificer. so i went to get the cake alone!
haha, but i wouldn't mind since its for her!
cycling. and now, the whole of ecp probably hates us. especially that bk manager who thinks we'll want to plant a bomb there.
give me a break, getting a cake isn't as hard as getting a customer's order i bet.
so just do it, why the freaking attitude?

overall, had fun. but some people were just spoilers. happy birthday again, sara!

2007-07-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry i foiled your plan. you've been using me, and now, i finally realised. its all because of her. i did hate her. hated her because of what you do to me, for her.
but its thanks to her i came to my senses.
and that the world you want to belong in,
is the world that consists of only you and her.
but don't you know that without hurting me, you could still reach your goal?

i'm letting go, bastard.

2007-06-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

my voice just gets on my nerves. i sound horrible, and i'm seriously getting desperate. i'm trying all sorts of things to make both my cough and that horrible sore throat go far far away. cups of honey water which i never fancied, and some disgusting 'luo han guo' that taste worse than almost anything and everything in the world.

yeah, the c girls are up against Canberra Sec next tuesday. and i'd love to scream for them,
and at them, with my normal voice.
they'll do what they ought to do- i just know they can (:

2007-06-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

rushed to bmss after school. only managed to catch the third period of the match.
but it was all worthwhile (: exciting, and of course it was a good show. they did what they supposed to do - trashed them.
Katong Convent ( 7 ) - ( 3 ) Swiss Cottage

this year seems like a bad year for me.
first, chest pains. now, i have a cough so bad it seems i may cough out blood anytime. and such a horrid sore throat that i sound like i broke my voice, literally.
hope it all goes away soon though ):

2007-06-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

i may be literally half- dead, and my voice may sound like a boy who just broke his voice,
but i still can't help but cheer for the c girls today. their match was hair-raising!
and all of us were cheering so hard, its almost as if we betted a whole lot of savings on them.
it was fun, and i believe they played quite well.
though they drawed with east view [ 5- 5 ]

up against swiss cottage on thursday,
so good luck! (:

2007-06-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

either my phone is crazy. or you are. because i seriously have no idea what you are talking about.

2007-06-25T23:02:00.000+08:00

i swear i'm dying. down with sore throat,
cough and most possibly, food poisoning.
i honestly feel immobile after a day of school.
in fact, it seems to be getting worse day by day.

and unfortunately, that means i can't quite
cheer for the C girls at their tournament tomorrow. i might not even be going if i don't feel well enough. but i still hope they'll do their best, and make kc proud! (:

2007-06-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

yeah, we're talking again (:
and i've decided to just stop talking about it.
in case everything just starts all over.
--------------------------------------------------
it hurts me to see you feel so stressed out.
you get frustrated with yourself,
and i can't do anything to help.
i really wish i can be there for you,
and give you the support you need.
but i know you've already got someone else.

2007-06-21T02:29:00.000+08:00

yeah, everything's a mess. it always is.
after that day, i went back to the state i was 3 days before. and yeah, we're still not talking.
i've tried, but i guess its not enough.
worse, there's so much homework i didn't do,
and especially when holidays are going to end soon. i'm freaking stressed. and i just had some nervous breakdown yesterday.

2007-06-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

seafood "dinner" at ecp's jumbo yesterday!
had a time of my life there. jokes and iq questions round the 'not married' table.
i swear i had laughing fits a lot of times yesterday but i really enjoyed everything.
haha, both the food. and the moments.

it was raining heavily too, but jumbo being of such WONDERFUL service, gave free yellow raincoats! i swear its the most unglam thing,
but it was sure fun! haha
kenneth and i played in the rain.
but the rest just seemed to be panicking about cars and lightning.

2007-06-14T16:30:00.000+08:00

something is really wrong with me.
because nothing feels right anymore.
i've not been wanting to do stuff i used to like.
i don't even have appetite nowadays.
in fact, i thought it was my fever at first. but no. and its difficult to see me smile suddenly. yeah, kim can make me smile and laugh.
but even so, there's this empty feeling about everything.

2007-06-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

haha, this is so cool.
i'm using a phone to blog.
anyway, i wasn't feeling well these few days.
neither did i have the mood to celebrate today.
something was missing, but i can't seem to find out what. car journey meant staring at clouds, but i didn't get to. the sky was too dark, and the clouds wern't fluffy enough to take shapes of objects.

but still, i can't help but admit that i felt touched. especially by kim, when she came to my house in the afternoon to deliver the present she and sara bought.
of course, she's not the only one who helped made my day. so thanks to everyone who did.
and i love you guys (:

2007-06-10T12:54:00.000+08:00

i suppose this is going to continue until i apologise. but i don't intend to.
because if i do, i'll be giving you the message that whatever you did was right
and that i was wrong. but i wasn't.
you disrespected my friend. and if i gave you the wrong message, you'll keep doing it.
to all my other friends. and maybe other people's friends. why can't you stop being selfish, and stop doing things only for yourself?
think of others as well, and yes. thank you,
for spoiling my supposed-to-be special day.
well, that just shows how much you care.

2007-06-09T19:46:00.000+08:00

yeah, you're right. i've made my choice.
it wasn't because i prefered him to you,
but because that was the right choice.
seriously, stop analysing someone's character from what you've heard. why can't you know him for who he is instead?
how you're treating him isn't fair. and its unfair to me as well after everything i did for you yesterday. there wasn't even a "thank you", and now this. don't forget- i showed your friend the same respect i would to mine.

2007-06-09T17:06:00.000+08:00

i hate it when such things happen.
i'm often caught in between, and he'll be somewhere else so as to stay out of everything. i can't side either one of you, cause if i do, i might hurt the other.
and it hurts me to see both of you feel just as hurt when the other says something you don't want to hear.

i understand that you've been tolerating this for years. but sometimes, its not entirely her fault. she has her reasons, and they're sensible enough to enable me to understand those actions. both of you are always quarreling because of them, and i'm sure none of you feel good about it. hopefully, this will end soon. and yeah, i love you both (:

2007-06-02T19:03:00.000+08:00

back from the yatch trip!
my first impression of the banana boat was... that it was slow. and that we had to use the oars to paddle through the water.
but i was proven wrong when i got flipped off the banana boat about 7 times or so.
thrilling. i had no problem flying off the boat when the tide was high, and when the sea got choppy, since i was rather light.
swam in the sea with the fishes!
and dived from the yatch too!

i'm happy you chose to go in the end.
not only did we have fun, you also got to see something you might not get to see everyday-the smiles on your children's faces.
i love you, dad. and i know brother does too.

2007-06-01T16:01:00.000+08:00

went to town with sara and kim yesterday.
kim and i stayed out till 12+.
it was fun and all, but god damn tiring.
adidas soccer tournament entertained both of us pretty much. sadly, your team wern't playing. otherwise i'll be supporting hah!

yesterday was 'gawking day' or smth.
thanks to sara and kim.
but i just didn't have the mood for it.
maybe because of the memories there.
i hate to admit it, but i miss them and i miss you.

2007-05-30T14:26:00.000+08:00

if thats what you think i am, so be it.
i do care about how other people think of me,
but not you. because you despise me,
just because i put my friends first.
you said you shouldn't have trusted me.
in the first place, i never felt you did.

you're nothing more than a friend to me,
so even if i chose my friends, you're part of it. but i guess, your words changed that fact.

2007-05-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

those words are ringing in my head.
i just realise what i did when i left for my holiday in nz during december last year.
i was risking, and sacrificing our relationship.
i was walking out of it without even knowing.
if i didn't leave 4 days after we got together, would we still end up like this?
well, i was right. we wern't as strong as i wished we would be. but its all in the past. so of course that means the end.

2007-05-29T14:20:00.000+08:00

no, what i meant was your love for me.
its not true. nothing is. no one is enjoying this. in fact, we're all miserable.
so wake up, its time to return to reality.
the fact is, i don't. not anymore.
and everything was going well that day.
so why did it come to this again?
i've been going out a lot, half in hopes of using all my energy to do something i enjoy.
this is so that when i go to bed, i can close my eyes and be able to sleep without thinking of what will happen the next day.

2007-05-29T02:20:00.000+08:00

so in the end its my fault again.
what have i been doing to get all of this?
i seem to be always doing something you don't like. and you always got something negative to think about. and say about.
but isn't love suppose to be sweet?
so why is all this turning out so bitter?

i guess you're wrong. its not love.

2007-05-29T02:11:00.000+08:00

went out with kim and hazel yesterday.
it was super fun but hell tiring.
i'm somewhat on a major spending; shopping spree, and its not good. i can't stop myself!
i just keep wanting to buy everything.
haha, and i've been going out a lot lately.
and i'll still be. schedule for the week is full.
wonderful, i wonder how long i can take this.